ON TIMIDITY

The timid must be encouraged to do even the obvious. Somehow the assurance of others comforts them. They know what to do but are afraid to do it, prevented perhaps by a fear of failure or dark memories of a demanding parent. Even so, their unwillingness to do the obvious makes them unlikely to do the impossible.

A VULNERABLE PLACE

Opportunity obliges the soul's request for more.

I'm in a vulnerable place --no job and no immediate plans or ultimate desire to seek one. I'm not lazy or crazy but I am concerned. I know that it takes money to live. But I don't believe that getting a job will solve my problem, though it will ease my anxieties.

But once these settle I'll become as sour as I was before, probably more so. I know too much to retreat, at least I think I do. I know that God has sanctioned this season. I must have time to write. I'm convinced of it though I've tried to deny it, but I can't.

Still, whenever I open the mail I'm reminded of what I "should" be doing. Whenever I open my eyes in the morning and close them at night, I'm keenly conscious of my need for cash. Money, after all, controls. Everything serves its interest. For most of us this means that we only have a moment to prosper by our passion. Otherwise necessity usurps.

Unless we're single or insane we can't indulge our passion indefinitely. It costs too much and returns too little. Combine this with the advice of well-meaning friends and it's impossible for most people to endure such pressure. Ironically, however, this dilemma also contains its own solution.

Unlike the great, most people can't bear the burden of their reality. Thus the pressures that embolden these breaks them. So much, until they forsake their passion and compromise emotionally. Doing so temporarily, however, isn't wrong. It is, in fact, wise. But many, in leaving their passion, get trapped in a profession.

That's the problem. Like a book they buy intending to read, their passion remains on the shelf unopened by them and unread by others. Yet I understand. Pressure is real no matter how impassioned we are. That's why greatness is revered wherever it's revealed. Great pressure can only be subdued by an even greater passion.

SOME PEOPLE

"Apt" laughs at resistance.

Some people deserve success but don't desire it and thus forfeit it, being indifferent to their abilities and opportunities. Maybe not indifferent, but they aren't as intense as we would be if we were endowed. Though allowed, their ought to be a law prohibiting.

ON TUNNELS

Tunnels enable us to triumph.

The tunnel is inevitable for some. Else they won’t accomplish accordingly the designs of destiny. Thus nature closes their eyes or perhaps causes them to despise what others enjoy. In doing so, they bow their heads and brace themselves. By the time they finish, their labors witness and their deeds tell. Without tunnel vision, however, they would have failed.

Work, Why?

Work if you must, but don't if you can.

I refuse to work overtime. I have now for the last 12 years. In fact I seldom get forty hours. After 35 I don't care. It's not that I can't use the money. I just don't have the time. I'd rather spend my extra hours writing than working. Besides, I seldom receive adequate return. So, I'm content with 35. My boss doesn't like it; but before he finds out I've begun a new week with a new warning, "Get 40 this time." (9/12/00)

FINDING COURAGE

Without courage counsel fails.

Cowards complain about circumstances they tolerate. Favorably placed, however, they believe that they could prosper. No doubt they could. Properly planted, each of us could excel. But what cowards forget is that favorable circumstances stem from courage. It's a matter of making a miracle from a mess. Yet without courage circumstances swallow.

If, however, they actualized even one of their ideas they would create favorable conditions. Eventually, they could transform their greatest tragedy. Of course they believe that courage will help others but not themselves. Deceived by circumstances, they forfeit this grace. Strangers pity their plight and friends frustrate themselves trying to console. They forget, however, that without courage counsel fails. (9/6/00)

DOES IT REALLY MATTER

When at work I'm aware that I'm not doing anything. I mingle with coworkers and carryout management concerns, but still feel that nothing is being accomplished. I cash my check and complete my responsibilities, but still, I'm doing nothing. The people are pleasant, the facilities decent, yet I'm not doing anything. Even the conversations corrupt. Most are so empty that they leave me angry. I watch people work and wonder, "Why are we here?"

I'm grateful for the work but still don't believe that I am doing anything. The moment I exit my car and enter the building I'm immediately reminded of my idleness. By nine o'clock I'm clueless. Then I become distant and dysfunctional, walking in circles and talking out of sequence. My thoughts become antagonistic to the environment. My only remedy for this malady is solitude, without which I would explode. During these times, I go inside myself for sustenance. Afterwards I emerge refreshed, revived and committed to leaving. (9/6/00)